I remember my field trips in junior high. I was always alone. I would listen to punk music to drown out the world and take me to a place where I ruled others instead of them controlling me. It helped me to express the anger I felt toward Kevin and how pissed I was that Jillian would just sit in the other room and pretend that nothing was happening. It never occurred to me that Kevin treated Jillian the same way until one day I caught her coming out of the shower and saw the bruises where her clothes would go. I didn't know this back in junior high and I often would yell at my mom every chance I got. Even though she always packed me an extra snack to eat on the bus during field trips, I would always come home and yell at her for not packing the right snack or for forgetting to give me a water bottle.

Secretly, I enjoyed the snacks she always packed me. I always ate them on the ride home. I would see other kids sharing or trading their snacks, but I never had anyone to share with. I always sat in the front of the bus, because the seats in the back always got taken up by people like Emily. I once tried to sit in the back, but Emily made some excuse about bus sickness and claimed she had to sit in my seat.