January 17, 2006
Dear Friends:
I knew better than to call this our annual Christmas letter, so I had
envisioned simply calling this our Christmas or New Years letter, but
then I thought that even that would imply that sometime over the last
10 years you had received a previous letter from us at this time of
year. So I will simply call this a letter from the Rabenhorsts,
reflecting on what has transpired this past year.
Over the last several years I thought I should write a letter like this
one, but each time there was a certain inertia that prevented me. Its
hard to know how far back to go. How far back will a reader
endure. How far back does the story require. This letter
will focus mainly on the last year. I have actually written a
much more detailed (and much longer) version, that probably goes back
10 years. I think I wrote the long version more as a personal
journey and as therapy than anything else, and to try to capture
thoughts and ideas before they began to drift further into
obscurity. If for some reason you desire or think you can endure
the long version, it is available online at: Looking
Back
So without going into so much of the history, let me at least provide
the setting. Annie, her husband Nick and son Aiden (born 3/2/04)
have been living in St. Louis since August 2004 where Nick is now in
the second year of his (what will probably be a four year) M. Div.
program at Covenant Seminary. Nick has a job working the
graveyard shift (2:30 to 8:30 am M-F) as a supervisor at UPS (still
plenty of hard manual labor). He spends his days in class or studying
and goes to bed along with his infant son so he can be up and off for
work. Needless to say, they enjoy their precious weekends. One
rich blessing has been that Annie’s aunt and uncle, Jacque and Lance
Hudgens, moved from Columbia, SC to St. Louis within a week of Annie
and Nick, where Lance joined the pastoral staff of Central Presbyterian
Church. So while we remain 900 miles away, the Lord has placed
only 15 minutes from Annie’s family those who were like her second
parents. Annie and Nick are often at the Hudgens for lunch on
Sunday after church, so while we miss them terribly, we are comforted
knowing that J&L are there and have made themselves so available.
If we look back a little over a year to the fall of 2004, Daniel was
enrolled for his 2nd semester at Anne Arundel Community College
and was practicing with the golf team (perhaps his primary reason for
being in school!) The end of his second semester again found him
on the Dean’s list with a 3.7 GPA. As fall was turning into
winter, he had to lay aside his work as a master caddy at Columbia
Country Club in Bethesda, and think about finding a job that would keep
him in green until the greens would begin again to turn green. Just
before
Christmas he landed at the Starbucks on Route 1 about three miles up
the road. His people skills served him well, both among the
employees and the clientele. While not golf, it was clearly the Lord’s
provision which suited him well, and the free pound of coffee that he
brought home each week suited his father well.
Judy has been teaching in the county’s basic education program for
adults and has found working with needy but appreciative adults far
more rewarding than teaching children. It also has provided her a
much more flexible schedule as she mainly teaches M, W, F
mornings. I continue to teach and do research on wetland soils at
the Univ. of MD, and also do my other full time job :) heading up the
design and construction team for our new church building.
For the last couple of years, on the second Saturday evening of every
month, I have been gathering with Rock Brockman and a handful of other
men for Athenaeum. This is our book club (recently written up in
the Washington Post Dec 18, 2005; Read
Article) that meets at one of the local bars (where by virtue of
the founding rules of the club, they must serve good beer and permit
the smoking of pipes and cigars). The books we select to read (by
majority vote) are supposed to be of “enduring literary value” or of
“cultural or historical significance.” At Daniel’s
suggestion I nominated Jack Kerouac’s Dharma Bums, and it was selected
for our January 2005 read. So when we met on January 8 at the
94th Aerosquadron, Daniel came and spent most of the evening with a
group of men that were mostly 15 to 30 years older, discussing
Buddhism, hitchhiking, the “beat generation” and the merits of Port
wine. I should add that due to the titles we have selected, among
some of our wives, Athenaeum has been known as the “men’s depressing
book club.”
After Judy and I spent a wonderful week in St. Louis with Annie and
family, Daniel took a one week trip to visit (and play golf with)
friends in Orlando and Naples just before he began the spring term at
AACC. In addition to his studies, he continued to work at
Starbucks, began to train caddies at CCC and he began to play with the
golf team. By the time April rolled around, he was playing two
matches per week. By midway through the semester, the 30 minute commute
to Annapolis was beginning to grow old. It was then that he began
seriously to think about transferring to the Univ. of MD in College
Park (a 25 minute commute on foot!) Along with this came a
conscious decision on his part to seek a bachelors degree in
Kinesiology Science. So he applied and was accepted to start at
UMCP in the fall.
Nick’s school and job at UPS had him bound tightly to St. Louis, but
Annie wishing to visit family and friends back in Maryland, flew into
Baltimore in time for us to celebrate Aiden’s 1st birthday and was able
to stay long enough to celebrate Daniel’s 23rd (on March 11). 
Daniel had a third consecutive semester on the Dean’s list and as we
talked about the summer and began to make plans, he decided to join me
for the first week of my two week fishing trip to Montana in
July. He had a good golf season and won most of his matches, and
although he had a disappointing finish at the regionals in New York, he
had worked the snags out of his game and was hitting the ball
great. So in mid-May of 2005, at the age of 23, as a master
caddy, having been accepted to the Univ. of MD, and now at the peak of
his golf game, Daniel was feeling on top of life.
Daniel’s cousin Kristin Hudgens had become engaged to Frank Cason over
the winter and was getting married on May14th. We had all planned
to attend. Annie and 14 month old Aiden were flying to DC and were
driving down with us. Daniel had a ticket to fly to SC Saturday
morning, but due to some pressures at work and after careful
consideration, we concluded that he should forgo the wedding and stay
home to work instead.
On the day of the wedding (actually just an hour before we were
supposed to head for the church) we got the call from the town police
chief saying that Daniel was dead. He had apparently played golf
all day Friday (two rounds both in the 70's) and then had partied much
of Friday night before crashing at a friend Lyle’s house a few blocks
from our home during the wee hours. He was intending to be at
work to caddy at 11am Saturday morning, but when Lyle woke up at 2pm,
he saw Daniel still lying there. They called 911 and the EMTs came, but
he had likely passed many hours before.
We were in shock and horror, and with the wedding only an hour or two
away! By God’s grace we managed to make it through the end
of the day. So, on what would be the most difficult day of our 29
years together, the Lord in His kindness had wisely and tenderly
gathered in advance from around the country those who knew us best, to
surround us with love and prayer and hugs and tears and words, and no
words, to preserve our hearts from being swept away by the raging
torrent of grief and numbness.
The outpouring of love was remarkable. The following Wednesday
afternoon we opened our home for folks to come by and visit and over
400 people came through. Friday afternoon among close friends and
family we gathered at the grave side to worship God midst storm
and tempest winds to comfort one another as we said good bye to that
jar of clay, that vacant vessel, recently a vibrant young man. It were
as if creation itself wept with us.
That evening at the memorial service five hundred people packed into
the sanctuary, and another two hundred were in the overflow room
downstairs. It was a diverse aggregation of people whose lives had
intersected Daniel’s. So many of our friends were there, and so many of
Daniel’s friends also. For some the worship of God was familiar
and comforting, but for many it was probably a bit foreign - though I
hope
and pray it was both comforting and perhaps thought provoking.
Several people spoke, including Annie and I. Links to the
service and our comments can also be found on our web page: Link to
Daniel.
Days have become weeks, have become months. Only by God’s grace to us,
have we not been driven to question His wisdom, or His mercy and love
to us or to Daniel. In our minds, I think we are at peace.
But a day does not go by that we do not miss him.
On October 21st our granddaughter Sophia Childress Hathaway was born to
Annie and Nick in St. Louis.
Judy was there and stayed for two
weeks. I flew out to join them over a long Halloween weekend to
become acquainted with this new baby girl. Both she and her big
brother Aiden, and of course Annie and Nick as well, have been a source
of great joy for us. Much of this letter was written during the two
weeks we spent over Christmas in St. Louis visiting them.
As Judy and I reflect upon this past year, we find the verses of Eccl 3
resonating in our ears.
There is a time
for everything, and a season for
every activity under heaven:
a time to be born
and a time to die, a time to plant
and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and
a time to heal, a time to tear
down and a time to build,
a time to weep and
a time to laugh, a time to mourn
and a time to dance,
We have weathered many seasons this year. And as we begin
each new day we are not sure which seasons await us. Usually
there are many. The pictures, the rooms, the spaces, the
memories, bring us occasions to weep and to laugh, to mourn and to
dance.
Among the Christmas readings this season, my heart has found rest in
Luke 1:78-79 .... because of the
tender mercy of our God, by which the
rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in
darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of
peace.
Blessings to you all whom we love,
Marty and Judy
Back to Main Page