Malone: "You know all those things that you hate about other people? Those are the charactaristics you yourself posses." It's Classical Lit, and she is talking to us about Jungian psychoanalysis (per the usual).

The girls in front of me, on both sides are half-laughing in disbelief. "Yeah right!!" Oh how ironic that one so recently showed me what I hate about myself. The bitterness of it makes me want to spit.

But I only raise my hand. Malone tells them, "Thats called denial!" Everyone is laughing and shaking their heads, still. She calls on me:

"So, once you've realized that you are what you hate the most--where do you go with that? How do you deal with that realizaton?"

I can hear the room fall silent, as things come to a screeching halt. The girl in front of me says "whoa!" but other than that, one could hear a pin drop.

I have been dying to ask this of someone, anyone for over a month. I had come to the conclusion that I would never get an answer--after all I have never been one to directly ask for help or advice. I give it out freely, but never, ever seek it in others. This was perfect: an opportunity to solicit an answer in a manner that was as nonspecific as possible.

Realizing this, she says, means one has dealt with the problem ninety percent. It is consciousness. The choice now that I realize what about myself I hate, is to not do it--the burden of consciousness. Now I have to work on not being what I hate. Its a long journey--but good to know I am at least almost there.