First order of business is a long shower. Looong and hot and cleansing. Sitting on the floor for quite some time, thinking. Can't stop thinking these thoughts.

Asleep, somehow, by five. Wide awake at ten. Thoughts invade my head. So tired still, and yet despite my heavy eyelids, I am unable to return to rest.

Somewhere around two the tears start to come. The thoughts, what do i do now, where do I go with this? An hour later I need to make them stop and I spin Little Earthquakes. Still wide awake.

Drifting off finally a little before five, listening to Fumbling Towards Ecstacy softly in my headphones. In my dream the security guard in the school parking lot is talking to me. I cant hear what he is saying over the music, and I cant figure out how to stop it.

:~:

Saturday 30 and Sunday 31

Rest.

Avoiding whats in my head.

Feeling that feeling you get when you're underwater, looking up through the surface, and pushing upwards towards it, and you're almost there and you can feel things are maybe going to become lucid again, soon, maybe on the surface.