the problem is much bigger than i

:~:

Wed 10.13.99

i cant separate what i feel from what i think. i cant even figure out what i feel. fear. anger. hopeless. guilt.

its not long before someone ends up cold in the ground. i can't shake this feeling, this sickness in my stomach, this intense f-e-a-r....and She feels it too. its not just me.

i am not being hysterical. i am not overreacting. i am not being unreasonable.

:~:

it is good to know that now, in time of inbetweeness, i am feeling something. haven't been this passionate about anything since middle school...its a long to to have kept quiet. in a way though, despite my ability to be vocal now, my voice is quiet and meaningless as ever.

the problem is much bigger than all of us.