Something strange happens when I am away from my life in Baltimore. Distraction disappears. My thoughts become more clear and my moods closer to level. There is no homesickness for the life I left behind when I came to college.

At the same time, there is a sense of homesickness for the metaphorical Home I haven't yet found. It's not at all an active yearning. I only realize that the feeling is missing from my daily life when I am caught up in it. When the moment ends, in it's wake is left the homesickness. It's the feeling of fluorescent lighting in a white room, hollow and cold. As though a piece of me comes and goes every now and then. I can't communicate with it to make it stay, but at least sometimes it still comes around.

That Home-feeling is lurking within me right now, waiting to come out. How is it that I have trouble accessing it on my own? Or is it necessary for another person to bring that feeling out of hiding?

Maybe some things just can't be done on one's own. Life may be lived alone, but it doesn't mean we have to be lonely. I have access to all sides of myself, but through others I can see them better, feel them more deeply and learn to claim them as mine.

Tonight, with the people I love, I feel at home. The backlash tomorrow is far from my mind.