Who ever said that children bring a couple together must have been out of their mind! With four kids in our household, my husband and I are hard pressed to carry on a conversation much less spend some good quality time together. We work really hard to make sure the kids get what they need, but at what expense? The truth is that no matter how hard we try to do for them, they seem to never be satisfied and we don't even have to time to worry about or seek out what we want.
In our household, we are working to change this. We are now expecting more out of our children, which has been working so far. We have determined that if they are going to take our time away from working in and around the house, by taking them to activities or transporting them and their friends, then we are going to expect them to cut our work load down in order to get our time. Up until now, we have been desperately running our bottoms off trying to get everything done, while they sit on theirs in front of the TV or play in the yard, or hand with their friends or sleep late on the weekends. My husband says I spoil them, which I am now seeing is definitely true. They need to have more responsibility and more work before play. They are becoming lazy and complacent and need to get motivated. I don't want them to become lazy adults, I want them to be driven to achieve their goals and become productive members of society. For me I know that one of the hardest words is no. I have found that in the past I have had difficulty saying no to co-workers, neighbors and friends, and have come across some people who are more than willing to take advantage of me for it. The problem is I wind up becoming a resentful door mat, hating every minute and still doing whatever anyone asks of me. I am the all time sucker.
When I truly took a look at this behavior, I started being really careful about not saying yes all the time. I have determined that my own needs and self respect are important. Only now I am discovering that I have stopped letting strangers do this to me, and have started letting family do this instead. I almost never say no. I mean I do say no to my kids, but not often enough and I rarely ever even say no to my husband. I am really surprised as I did not realize that I was doing this. It is really upsetting to me that I have yet to break this pattern, but once again, I need to put my foot down and just say no. I need to stop over extending myself, even if it is for a good cause and bring the tempo of my life down, before my life is no more. If I keep up this pace I will be dead before I hit 45 and then who will I be able to help? No one, not even myself!
Posted on Friday, April 04, 2008 5:47 PM by Carol Ann