A Tea Reader

Here you will find many of the insightful articles and books discussed at our weekly tea gatherings.

The Tea Writer is pleased to announce that, after several months spent in a tropical paradise (and several weeks spent in a Mexican jail), the Tea Reader is back from summer vacation.

Still suffering from a hangover, however, the Tea Reader was not not quite lucid last Tuesday, and found it taxing to even remember the faces of the Tea regulars who were in attendance. To help it back into the swing of things, it might be helpful to remind us who these amazing people are.

Kim

Kim works for the Internet. Her job is to make sure the Internet keeps happening. Every day that the Internet continues to happen, she is doing her job. Good work, Kim! You help make the Tea Reader possible. One shudders to recall those dark days of yester-year, when the Tea Reader, composed on a Smith-Corona manual typewriter, was mimeographed, folded, stapled, and mailed by third class post every week.

Chris-u-lonic

Chris works for a company, but he won't say which company, so we'll just call it the company. Chris is the one who always wears a hat to Tea. The odd thing about this hat, though, is that Chris doesn't wear it, and he doesn't bring it to Tea. He used to wear a hat, though. And we used to drink tea. So one can truthfully say that Chris is the personification of Tea. He is also a devout teetotaler.

Shannon

Shannon is the Young Turk of Tea, and a recent addition to the gang. Be wary of Shannon: she spreads disinformation, subversive stickers, and counterfeit money. Though new on the scene, she has inserted herself into the deepest levels of the Tea infrastructure. What are her plans? Wait and see.

Carla

For those who have read the novel or watched the movie, Carla is to Tea what the character Begbie is to Trainspotting. She'll glass yeh as soon as look at yeh. The founding member of Tea if anybody deserves the title, Carla now spends most of her days in other states as a hatchet woman for a major corporation.

Thomas

Thomas is Carla's husband. If Carla is absent, so is Thomas, and when she is present, Thomas is generally there as well. It is as if he is in her orbit, a satellite, if you will. No, I kid, I kid. He is a first class body in his own right, and the two comprise a binary star system. Technically minded, Thomas can solve any problem thrown his way using only everyday household items, and a satellite. Sometimes two satellites. For example, he has devised a clever way to prepare trout using a coffee can, sterno, cumin, onions, and a K-band satellite. He also has a satellite-based exit strategy for Iraq, but it's a secret.

Pete

Pete is the inventor of TML: Tea Markup Language. It is an application of XML, and Pete can provide the DTD if you need it. Here is an example:

<?xml version="1.0"?>
<tea>

<attendance>
<member type="awesome">David</member>
<group>The rest</group>
</attendance>

</tea>

Pete is not, in fact, a Tea regular. But he does leave in Wisconsin, so give the guy some credit.

Sacha

With the possible exception of David, Sacha is the coolest member of Tea. To see him is to know that he is simply, unassailably, cool. One notes this without hostility, much as one beholds a giant redwood, and thinks, "It is taller than me, but I do not begrudge it that. For it has a large hole blasted through its trunk, with a road through it. I have no road blasted through me, and betwixt my kidneys no cars do drive. For that, I am greatful."

Maureen

Maureen talks a lot of smack, but has much sass and moxy. She does not generally get the credit she deserves, but this is her karmic reward for correcting people. All the time. Once a dear fellow offered a surprisingly entertaining Tea trivia question. I don't recall who delivered this delightful diversion, but it was last week, and he probably worked very hard to come up with "Name the five most recent members of the U.N." and research the answers as well. How did Maureen reward this selfless soul, whoever he may have been? Here is how: "It's pronounced Kiribash." Ooh, look at me, I know how to pronounce Kiribati. I read books. I went to school. Three cheers for Maureen, Pronouncer of Countries.

David

For those who have read the novel or watched the TV show, David is to Tea what the character Fonzie is to Happy Days. David keeps an office in the Franklins bathroom, where he holds council with his good friends the red headed one, the dark haired one, and the other red headed one. A carefully placed blow of David's first can fix machinery and extract free goods and services. With the snap of his fingers, David makes women hug him, though they don't know why. Sometimes, David helps his friends learn an important lesson about life, usually following a misundersanding, with amusing or hilarious consequences.